my sun codes

On this gorgeous day of birth eve, I am alone on the couch and pondering my life and my very being. I sit here at 11pm with a cacao beside me and surrounded by animals, obviously I am in bliss. I have an urge to whip out my laptop and start typing….to fill the void that I seem to sit in and love.

Where was I last year?

I was in Bali with an amazing soul tribe of people, howling at the full moon on the beach. This fills my heart with expansion and deep gratitude always. These beings I was so lucky to meet, felt like home to me.

I remember doing a releasing fire ceremony and ritual with my sisters and for the first time felt the deep belonging course through my bones. I am here.

Well wasn’t that indeed a great releasing of sorts, as 2020 has seen me plunge even further into yin, into my heart, into surrender, into my womb, into my still point. This time last year was a catalyst and a great dying of many layers. I have been peeling the layers of self back furthermore all year, until I have felt nothing left.

Is this my core?

Is this my essence?

Is this my truth?

My heart activated and opening more, but also scared of the becoming, the more becoming, the power, the depth, the actual, absolute truth, that you already are. No seeking, no hiding, just radiating of beauty.

You don’t have to heal, you don’t have to search, you don’t have to do or be anything. There is no action required to sink into the depth of you.

Being is your power. Your being is magic.

What have I achieved this year to make it more impactful?

Isn’t it funny how we always set bench markers of success, of “making it” and how we can set ourselves up for failure and feelings of unworthiness and not good enough thoughts.

Why do I have to do anything? What am I hoping to achieve? What if the goal in the end is to be a human and not deny any piece or part of ourselves, because we are the perfect mold of divinity, just like a tree, a flower or a bee.

For a year of not doing much and listening to my intuition and guidance, I have birthed a lot of newness and allowed myself to let go of so many aspects. I have birthed a business, followed my calling into womb work deeper, completed my shamanic mentorship, followed the call into birthing and tantra to do my dharma. I have activated many grids, songlines, divine templates and portals on the land.

Most of all, I have come back into my body, more and more, ever so present in the here and now. I am understanding my power and playing with the cosmos more. My internal universe and the abundance all around me is enough. I am enough in my beingness.

My usual sadness swept over me again this year, and as I come into this powerful 33 portal that I am entering, I understand it is another death of self, that I am honouring and witnessing.

Who was I last year? I don’t know. That timeline doesn’t exist anymore. I love her, I thank her and I bless her so much, as I hold her in my heart to move through another new rebirthing cycle and into the unknown. This is the shamanic way and our natural rhythm. In a way. I feel like this is the beginning, like the seed is being planted in the deep, dark soil of blood and bone. It is not a coincidence that we are also coming up to a potent dark moon in a couple of days with Goddess Diana energy.

This year I am at more peace and more whole than I have ever felt in my whole life.

I know I have always been now and the journey to get here has seemed long, hard and painful sometimes. Feeling the fully expressed range of emotions and beingness is part of the human expression and the delight.

Every moment is truly an awakening. Every breathe an opening to expansion and love.

The invitation I desire to follow, is the invitation to the unknown.

Deeper surrender and louder laughter. Ignited and turned on to life because I actively choose to be, every moment of every day and holding my sacredness with true awe of the divine magic that I am.

That is potent medicine. This is my medicine. My natural elixir of wholeness and beauty pulsating out into the obis because ultimately, that is all there is.

Nothingness and everything at the same time. You and me in unity.