Follow the magic

It’s been some time since I felt the magic in my veins and the creativity surge the pages for content and creation.

I have been dissolving so much these past few months and integrating a lot on the journey back to my desire and truth.

I have been on the road and travelling around as much as possible since January and bravely doing things I thought I would never have the oppertunity to do.

One part of my time away from the sanctuary of my home was an escapism, of that I am sure, and the other part was dripped in devotion to all that was magical and what I was yearning for.

My heart was very open and receptive to the possibilities of what could have been, and with that I had to anchor in my knowing that it would lead to pain and heartbreak, and still I decided to dance in the mystery and allow the possibility of complete obliteration for my tenderness….

And exactly that it did.

I won’t go into too many details and depth into the full range of my journey, I will just share the droplets of wisdom it allowed me to sink into while I tried to claw myself out of the previous dark year that was bestowed upon me. In a way, I felt like I really lost myself for a moment there and was trying to figure out who the fuck I was beyond what I had created and compartmentalised.

There was this element in me that felt like I had lost this young innocence of myself that was wild, free, feral and just untapped by the world around me that I had envisioned.

I really was sick of the spiritual community, the woke community, the conscious community and then the superficial community that had no depth and meaning, and yet, this is what I was secretly seeking.

A reprieve from all the noise, the should do’s and have to’s, the right way to show up and the constantly being in service to something greater than myself.

I wanted to be a rat and just let loose without a worry of what the consequences would be and how people would perceive me.

In all honesty, I wanted to revile in my humanness, run away and work in a small cafe and have a “normal” life where nobody knew me, and I could just live day to day.

I was so sick of the depth, the digging, the work and the having to show up a certain way. All illusions and self-induced prisons I had put on myself to do this work I do, even though I hold others in their humanness.

I craved and yearned for excitement, pleasure, joy beyond content and a rush…..

It felt like I had been on a long journey of loving and accepting myself and all pieces and parts of myself, but I had to physically go on a journey to live a certain life that could of been, to truly INTEGRATE this piece of myself that I had left behind as something OTHER than me.

Ohhhhh let me tell you that she is very much alive and well within me and how she wanted to be seen, heard, witnessed and feel the air on her skin again.

Suffocating underneath the surface of this life I have been living that doesn’t even feel authentically mine sometimes.

I don’t want to be this deep woman all the time. I am only this deep because of the crazy young woman who lead me down this path to begin with, and she is just as deserving of being a part of my journey ahead as the powerfully embodied woman I am today.

Something that has been dancing across me lately is what’s next??

All this healing work has been done, traversed, journeyed and experienced and yet still I call forth pretty horrendous circumstances to shake me up and awaken myself even more into my wounding and survival mechanisms and I will most likely forever be unfolding and unwinding on the path of liberation I have chosen to walk.

But am I truly fully liberated without following the path of magic in all ways???

That doesn’t have to look a certain way and it changes moment to moment I suppose, but it is a calling of the wilds over and over again and answering that call from a place of love and not wounding.

What appears to be toxic, might be the medicine you need and the venom to bring you back to life.

Truly living.

All the crevices and textures of this magical moment in time that you choose to be here. Ultimately, we sink into the abyss everyday by thinking we are guaranteed this life, this breath, this moment in time, and it’s the biggest lie of all.

We could die tomorrow. Any moment and second you forget that you roll into the rhythm that is not LIVING authentically and aligned with the pulse of you sacred heart and pure passion. The monotonous grind of just getting through the day and then going to sleep has never been for me, and it NEVER will be.

I’m here for the magical, the mystical, the heartbreaking moments of pure pain and delicious pleasure, the adventure that people don’t traverse out of fear, the chaos and the destruction, just as much as the birthing of anew and the stillness of the breath feeling alive in your body through your erotic expression.

I’m here for it all.

I will forever follow that thread of magic while others are scared to go there, and I will not hide in anyway that’s limited by perception on the outside anymore.

I don’t give a fuck what others think about the path I have chosen and the crazy things that I do that are paradoxes to the wisdom I weave in my embodiment. I will be a permission slip to break down those barriers of what you or the world decides are “good or bad”.

Fuck that noise.

I am feeling the call to go beyond what has been known and the labels we give ourselves for safety and to fit anywhere at all currently.

I am so sick and tired of what is deemed rightful, and just want raw essence and expression.

Beyond this there is more, beyond the threshold of what has always been done, there is newness and freedom.

Living and embodying your teachings and learnings do not have to look a certain way.

We cannot all come out of this the other side with new paradigms and beliefs embedded into our system becoming carbon copies and cut outs of each other. It defeats the purpose of what we are trying to remember.

The truth in our human experience is to be with what is.

So, what is here??

What is in the now?

What is the truth in this space?

What are you feeling, what sensations are pulsing and where is your heart calling you to show up, to go and experience the fullness?

You desire that kinky experience even though it’s not “conscious” or “good” …..well go the fuck ahead.

There is possibly magic there, medicine for your soul that is destined for your greatness and realness.

Who are we to deny the impulses of the spark within us? As long as they aren’t coming from wounding or fear and coming from the pure heart felt desire and love for what is, who are we to judge the nudge from the divine essence within us?

And who really cares if it is coming from wounding and fear anyway? Does it really matter on the grand scheme of the cosmos? Isn’t that when we are illuminated into deeper wisdom and the choice to change and learn deeper truths to change the paradigms we are stuck in?

My greatest teachings have always been the darkness and I am not sure that anything really matters in this life enough to repress the need to truly experience life on a level that satiates us and engulfs us completely.

I die inside a little more every time I am bored and not doing the things I wish to do.

Erratic sometimes, absolutely. Crazy almost, for sure.

And I wouldn’t want it any other way, because it’s the reclamation of all that is that allows us to be the most authentic expression of ourselves possible without sinking into the ocean of this life that carries everyone on the same current of death and rot without ever having swam into the depths to experience profound joys and wonders of themselves and LIVE.

BE ALIVE>

If there is one thing I have learnt the past few months, if there is a time to hear the magic within and taste the knowing of your heart, it is now and not some enforceable time in the future that you are never, ever guaranteed.

Who cares what you look like to others?

Who cares if you show up in your emotions and cry in front of another or show your sensitive side to people who cannot hold it all?

Hold it your fucking self.

Be safe in the truth that you will never feel safe enough and others may never understand you fully and celebrate your way of life that beckons for you to be more of what they cannot be because they are scared or afraid.

You do not owe anyone your magic, but living your magic and following the spark within will NEVER lead you astray, and you owe that to yourself.

And that’s all I have to say on that today.

Remember who the fuck you are and what you truly desire and yearn for.

And then go after it with such ferocious abandon, like your life depends on it, because truly living requires reckless love for what is beyond the tangible explanation and it’s ok if it’s outside the mundane and ordinary.

That’s the MAGIC xx